


holding on to me, holding on to you

by ohallows



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Shooting Stars, seriously this is tooth rotting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:01:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21529465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows
Summary: In the middle of a party, Zolf and Hamid find a quiet place to talk.
Relationships: Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan/Zolf Smith
Comments: 9
Kudos: 91





	holding on to me, holding on to you

**Author's Note:**

> i just. need soft. had this idea at 1am and it refused to let me go SO hav some soft ,,, somfte,,, please join me in this fantasy world where windows in london are large enough for grown ass men to climb out of without issue
> 
> also yes i think about modern au zolf as a children’s nurse CONSTANTLY and i’m valid i love him sm

The party is loud and obnoxious, music pounding through the expensive flat. Zolf’s already had a lap of the room, accepting congratulations, turning down offers of shot after shot, and enduring the good-natured ribbing that comes along with his denials. It’s been a long day as it is; hospital shifts can be merciless, and today’s has been a particularly long one. He hadn’t even really wanted to come to the party tonight, but, well. It’s bad form to not show up to a do in your own  _ honor _ , yeah?

So now he’s stood here in the kitchen, cup in his hands, awkwardly waiting for some sort of inspiration to strike, or to just muster up the courage to leave and deal with all the mocking he’ll absolutely get. He can’t make up a family emergency; first, he’d feel bad, and second, Feryn’s actually  _ here,  _ so that’s out. Can’t be a work emergency, since he and Azu both work at the same children’s hospital. And he doesn’t  _ have _ a pet, so that’s out as well.

He glances to the clock on the wall; it’s still only been a few hours since the party started, and it’s not even slated to end for a couple more. If he can tough it out for at least another hour, he can probably leave without questions - beg off early, blame work, and go curl up and be alone before having another long day tomorrow. 

The clock ticks by interminably slowly. A few more people come by and offer him the normal round of congratulations and shots, which he thanks them for and then politely declines, respectively. He wonders if the clocks broke, maybe, and checks his phone, but it still has the same time. 

Maybe time’s just slowed down. And the room seems a bit smaller too, and Zolf feels like he’s sweating a bit, on the back of his neck, but he doesn’t - doesn’t think it’s gotten any warmer in here. He should probably get some water, but there’s so many people in between him and the sink and - 

“Oi, Zolf,” Sasha says, appearing out of nowhere next to him and cutting him off. “Window in the back.” 

An immediate sense of relief runs through him as she speaks. They’ve been friends for years, now, long enough that Sasha’s able to spot his incoming panic attacks from a mile away and help stave them off before they become an issue. And this isn’t even a panic attack, not really; it all just becomes a bit much sometimes. 

“Sasha, I owe you one,” he says fervently, and sets his drink down on the counter. It’s been empty for a while anyway, but he doesn’t have a desire to have any more and keeping a cup in his hands has proven to be an effective deterrent from most people asking to buy him drinks. 

“Cheers, boss. And it’s more than one, but I’ll pretend I’m not counting,” she says with a wink, and then she’s off, moving effortlessly through the crowd as though she’s nothing more than a shadow.

He really doesn’t deserve her. 

The window she’s talking about - he knows exactly which one it is, even if he’d momentarily forgotten about its access to the fire escape - is along the back hallway, right next to the loo. He checks to make sure no one’s following him, waiting a moment to be sure he’s alone, and then he pulls the glass up, tasting the cool night air. Zolf slips out of the window and his feet touch down on the metal of the fire escape. It’s narrow, and he’s not completely sure of how stable it is, but anything’s better than being stuck in there. He’s having a good time,  _ really _ . Azu and Cel threw the party to celebrate Azu and Zolf finishing up their nursing degrees, and even though it’s a party being thrown partially in Zolf’s honor, everything’s begun to feel a bit… stifling. Feryn and Wilde had been conversing off to one side, and while he and Wilde are on  _ better  _ terms now, he’s still not someone he cares to spend a bunch of time with. Plus, it’s his night, and he doesn’t want to engage in a… battle of wordplay, or whatever Wilde cares to call it. He hadn’t been able to find Grizzop, nor Amelia. Sasha had been somewhere around - finding her on a whim is less likely than finding a needle in a haystack - and he hadn’t seen her until she’d popped up right next to him. Hamid had been somewhere regaling the party with another story of his exploits from university, leaving out the less-than-flattering bits that Zolf knows are there.

So, yeah. A bit alone, here, which he’s alright with for the most part. And it’s a lovely night; the stars are shining above, a rarity for London, even on the outskirts. They don’t get many clear nights out here, so Zolf’s happy to be enjoying it. And it’s so much quieter out here. He can still hear the music through the window, a steady pulse that never seems to die. He can’t make out what anyone’s saying, but there’s a thrum of voices just echoing over top of the music. 

It feels like he should have a cigarette, smoke curling up into the sky above, but he’s never smoked a day in his life and he’s a  _ nurse _ , he’s certainly not going to start now. 

… It still doesn’t completely feel real. He and Azu are fully-fledged nurses now. For years, it’s been everything Zolf’s wanted, and now, well. He  _ has _ it. There’s a small curl of pride in his chest that hasn’t gone away since the ceremony, and every couple of hours since then he has to hide a bit of a smile when he remembers. All those long nights of his residency, all the stress of working in A&E, the lack of sleep and the exhaustion… it’s all been worth it, for him to get here. 

He’s… he’s  _ proud _ of himself.

The window opens back up, interrupting his thoughts, and Zolf turns slightly, before seeing an all-too familiar head and shoulders struggle to poke out through the gap. 

“All right, Hamid?” he says, and Hamid squeaks before nearly falling out of the window. Zolf leans over and catches him by the shoulders, and Hamid laughs, embarrassed, warm hands coming up to wrap around Zolf’s forearms. 

“Sorry, sorry!” he exclaims, and Zolf helps him climb out, hands resting maybe a moment too long on Hamid’s arms. “I didn’t even notice you standing there - you startled me.”

“Sorry,” Zolf says, quiet in the evening air, and Hamid’s a vision as he laughs again, waving his apology away. 

“No, it’s alright. Really! I should have been paying better attention,” Hamid says, and comes to stand next to Zolf, elbows resting on the railing as they look out over the city together. 

It’s a comfortable silence, between them. They’ve known each other for a while; not as long as Zolf’s known Sasha, but nearly. They went to university together, before Hamid moved back to Cairo for a year to help out with the Tahan banks, and before Zolf had to start spending all of his waking hours at the hospital or studying. Hamid moved back a year or so ago, and it’d been like he’d never been gone. He’d even been in the front row at Zolf and Azu’s ceremony a few weeks ago, along with the rest of their friends. 

“Congratulations, Zolf,” Hamid says, as though he hasn’t already said it a thousand times before, warm hand pressing against Zolf’s arm. “I know how much you wanted this - you  _ and _ Azu. You’re going to be incredible at it.”

Zolf feels himself blush fiercely, and coughs to try to cover it up.. “Thanks, er - it was a lot of work.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Hamid says. “The bank is hard enough work, and I don’t even have to deal with your awful hours.”

Zolf laughs. “Yeah, you wouldn’t be able to handle it,” he teases, ruffling Hamid’s hair. Hamid squeaks a bit and leans away, hands fluttering at his hair to brush it back into place, but he doesn’t object. It’s no secret that Hamid needs his beauty sleep; there were a few nights Zolf stayed over his while still in uni, and it was considered capital punishment to get Hamid up anytime before noon. 

“Spreaking of the bank - how’s your family? Spoken to them recently?” Zolf asks, and Hamid shrugs. 

“As good as they ever are. Saleh’s in another rehab, so me and Saira are having to pick up the slack at the bank. Aziza is starring in another show, so she doesn’t have much time to talk. And, gosh, the  _ twins.  _ They’re turning sixteen next month, can you believe it? I swear, yesterday they were five years old.” Hamid laughs, but Zolf can hear the strain in his voice. It’s gone quickly, covered up, but Zolf doesn’t want to let it go. “Oh! My mother says congratulations. I told her about the ceremony, she was so happy to hear about it.”

Zolf’s touched. Hamid’s mum has never been anything but lovely to him, and it means a lot that she wanted to tell him congrats. “You’ll have to tell her thanks for me.” Hamid nods, and they lapse into a comfortable silence, arms nearly touching each other on the railing. 

“So, what about you? I don’t have an excuse for ducking out of my own party, really, but you had a captive audience, I’m sure,” Zolf says, needing to fill the space with something, nudging Hamid with his shoulder. Hamid laughs a bit, leaning back into him, and Zolf can still feel the warmth of his arm, even through his shirt. Hamid’s always been a little furnace, ever since they’ve known each other, with warm hands and warmer smiles.

“It… gets a bit much, sometimes,” Hamid admits, and a ghost of a smile passes across his face. “I love them all dearly, I  _ do _ , but sometimes…”

“You just need a moment?” Zolf asks, and Hamid turns to look at him, eyes shining with the reflection of the moon and stars above. 

“You as well?” Hamid asks, and Zolf nods. He loves his friends; they all get him in different ways, all support him the same. But sometimes - like tonight - they can be well… what Hamid said. A bit much. 

Usually it’s him and Sasha ducking out of parties early, finding a secluded spot to chat or, more often, just sit together in silence, getting a moment of relaxation away from the commotion. It’s not often that Hamid’s the one who has to pull away; or maybe Zolf just hasn’t noticed when he’s done it before. 

“Zolf, look!” Hamid says suddenly, grabbing his arm and pointing up at the sky. “A shooting star! You  _ have  _ to make a wish.” 

Zolf looks up and catches the trail end of it, a brief flash of white streaking through the sky before disappearing. He glances over at Hamid, whose face is turned up toward the sky, eyes squeezed tightly shut, and smiles. He closes his eyes as well; making a small wish couldn’t hurt anything. It’s silly, maybe, childish, but Zolf doesn’t really care, not when he’s standing out here with Hamid, closed off from the rest of the world.

Hamid is staring at him, almost shyly, when Zolf opens his eyes again and turns toward him. There’s something in his gaze, something Zolf isn’t sure he can read, somethig he might think is hope. His cheeks heat up again, and his mouth feels dry, heart pounding in his chest as he looks at Hamid. 

“What did you wish for?” Zolf asks, and it’s not a question as much as it’s a guess and, well, a hope and a wish, and it’s like Hamid is the center of his orbit; he can’t pull his eyes away, and he finds he quite enjoys being able to look at him like this. 

“I’m - not supposed to say,” Hamid breathes, gaze drifting down to rest on Zolf’s lips. “Otherwise it won’t come true.”

“Try me,” Zolf says, and he doesn’t know when they got so close on the fire escape, close enough that he thinks he can count every individual freckle on Hamid’s face if he really tries to. His center of gravity is only Hamid, now, and the muffled thrum of music and conversation from inside the flat can’t pull him away for this.

“Can I kiss you?” Hamid murmurs, and it’s nothing louder than a whisper, his lips already nearly against Zolf’s, and Zolf doesn’t answer, just reaches out to pull Hamid in, pull Hamid closer. His hand wraps around the back of Hamid’s neck and their lips meet, finally. 

Gods, it’s - it’s not perfect, but first kisses aren’t supposed to be, and it still feels like a sigh of relief, like coming  _ home _ in a way Zolf’s never felt before. It feels almost inevitable, in a way; they’ve been dancing around this for so long, this just feels like the next step. 

And Hamid is, well. A good kisser. Zolf pulls him in closer, hand resting lightly on Hamid’s hip as Hamid pushes him against the railing, standing up on his tiptoes. Hamid’s hand is warm on his face, and his lips are chapped, and Zolf wouldn’t trade  _ any _ of this for the world. 

Hamid smiles, against his mouth, and Zolf can’t help but smile back, laugh bubbling out of his chest. It makes kissing a little more difficult, but Zolf doesn’t really care, not when Hamid is this close to him and smelling like firewood and whatever ridiculously expensive cologne he buys.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there, lazily kissing each other as though they’ll have all the time in the world. Hamid’s arms have wrapped around the back of his neck, and at some point they’d changed position, Hamid leaning back against the railing and pulling Zolf down to press their lips together. Far above them, the stars blink as small clouds slowly roll across the sky. 

Zolf thinks he could do this forever; be so wrapped up in Hamid that he forgets the rest of the world exists. The music’s faded to nothing more than a beat at the back of his skull, and his hands frame Hamid’s waist as the night presses on. 

“Oi!” Zolf hears, eventually, and stops kissing Hamid long enough to look over at the window, annoyed, before groaning and dropping his head to Hamid’s shoulder.

Feryn’s stuck his head out of the window and has the biggest shite-eating grin on his face, resting his chin in the palms of his hands. “Sorry for interrupting, boys, but Cel wants to do a toast. Get inside for a minute and then you can keep making out somewhere else, alright?”

Zolf almost expected a round of applause, and he doesn’t turn around when he flips Feryn the bird, grumbling under his breath. 

“Love you too, Zolf,” Feryn calls, and then the window shuts as he ducks back inside. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Zolf decides. “It’s official, now.” He raises his head from Hamid’s shoulder, but he can’t actually feel that annoyed when he sees that Hamid’s lipstick’s been smeared and Hamid’s staring at him like he hung the moon and the stars in the sky. 

“Well. Guess this particular cat’s out of the bag?” Hamid says, cheeks bright red as he turns back to look at Zolf. Zolf laughs, softly, and Hamid echoes him, pressing his forehead to Zolf’s. 

“Yeah, er - sorry if you wanted to hide it,” Zolf says, smiling sheepishly. “I can talk to Feryn, but it might be a little late for that.”

Hamid pulls back and gives him an almost quizzical look, before running a hand through Zolf’s hair and pressing it against his cheek. Zolf turns and kisses his palm, soft and sweet, and Hamid’s answering smile is brighter than a flame. “Why would I want to hide it?” Hamid asks. “If you’re alright with it, so am I.”

Zolf leans down and kisses him again; it can’t last, this time, not unless they want Feryn out here yelling at them again - or worse,  _ Grizzop _ \- but he doesn’t particularly mind. Seems as though they’ll have all the time in the world for it later. Hamid kisses back, and Zolf can feel his smile curving against his lips. 

“We should - we should really - Zolf -“ Hamid laughs, as Zolf kisses him again in between the words. Hamid puts his hand on his chest and Zolf immediately stops, pulling back. “We need to go inside. Can’t keep Cel waiting much longer, this party was nearly all their idea.”

He’s right, and Zolf knows he’s right, but he does steal one more kiss before tugging Hamid over to the window. “After you,” he says, and Hamid kisses his cheek before letting Zolf help him inside the window. Zolf follows suit, already missing the privacy of the fire escape but not feeling as stifled inside the flat, not anymore. Not with Hamid at his side. 

“You’ve, er -“ Zolf awkwardly points at his own mouth, feeling a bit sheepish. “Lipstick.” 

“Oh!” Hamid says, pulling out a compact mirror from his pocket to inspect the damage. “I’m just going to - not that I mind people knowing, but I  _ do _ need to fix this. Wait for me?” he asks, pushing open the door to the loo, and Zolf nods, leaning back against the wall while Hamid touches his lipstick up and cleans off the smudges. 

There’s a small flame in his chest, now, a warmth that he doesn’t think is going to go away anytime soon, if the way it flares when Hamid steps out of the bathroom, lipstick impeccable, is any indication. 

He steps back, but takes Hamid’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together, enjoying the small start that Hamid makes before looking up at Zolf, cheeks tinged with red. They should really get back to the party, they  _ really  _ should, but Zolf has one more thing he needs to do. 

“So, did your wish come true?” Zolf asks, and Hamid looks up at him curiously. “From the shooting star.”

Hamid’s definitely blushing now, but he squeezes Zolf’s hand before holding it up to his mouth and giving it a little kiss. “Yes, it - it definitely did.” He laughs. “I wasn’t being  _ particularly _ subtle, was I?” 

Zolf shakes his head. “No, but - I’m happy you weren’t.”

Hamid looks like he wants to kiss him again, which Zolf’s in full favor of, but instead he pulls him toward the living room, fingers still laced loosely together. Zolf follows, letting himself be tugged, and he’ll deal with the teasing and congratulations later. He’s a bit too giddy about his own wish coming true as well, now.

Maybe there was something to shooting stars after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed !!! kudos and comments are always welcome, and feel free to shoot me a request at my tumblr connerkcnt !!


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